Memories endure: A 13-year reminder

by | Sep 29, 2015 | Grief, Growth, and Self-Care, Our Family Stories | 4 comments

Reflections tableOn a Saturday afternoon in mid-September I attended a service of worship in memory and celebration of the life of a Facebook friend. She was more than that. She was a part of my life by our both belonging to the same congregational community. An accomplished musician (flute), a writer and lover of poetry and a compassionate soul speaking for kindness and against all kinds of oppressive acts in our world.

A couple of years ago she was diagnosed with cancer. Looking back it seems the cancer was well advanced by the time it was diagnosed. In the face of the prognosis she set out to accomplish as much as she could in whatever amount of time she had left with us. And she did right up to end.

I tell this vignette from my life because of something that happened during that service.

There had  been words of remembrance and thanksgiving with plenty of laughter. There were words of thanksgiving and hope on the theme of peace by the reverend. And there were the prayers of thanksgiving for her life.

Then came the final hymn. The words were familiar and used metaphors of nature to express the hopes of an afterlife. As the singing started I was transported back 13 years to this same church and a different final hymn at the funeral of my wife Margaret. The words and music were different but the themes were close. I was back at that moment reliving its details. And I cried.

I cried at the beauty of the words. I cried at the beauty of the music. I shed tears at the memories of another diagnosis of cancer; memories of the unflinching decisions to accomplish important things before the end.

I cried because 13 years later my departed loved one is still a part of my life.

Sometimes those early on the grief journey worry that they may forget the loved one and the tragedy that caused their grief. Know that the missing part of your life will always be with you. And moments like a news report or some music or attending the funeral of a friend will bring them to your notice and induce tears once more for your missing loved one.

Tom Wilson
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4 Comments

  1. HEATHER DAHMER
    HEATHER DAHMER on September 30, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Oh,Tom what a beautiful memory and message. It is a huge fear that our loved one will be gone from us in our grief, you have shared a poignant reminder that we carry them with us forever. Thank you so much, I can hear the music and share your tears. xo

  2. Sherry Smith
    Sherry Smith on September 30, 2015 at 9:55 am

    How beautiful and touching. Thank you Tom for sharing your feelings so simply and eloquently.

  3. Marjorie Deyell
    Marjorie Deyell on September 30, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    Thank you Tom for this. Today is the 11th anniversary of my brother’s death from pancreatic cancer and I was remembering this morning all the pain he suffered the last few days of his life and I shed some tears. Suddenly our lives can change but our missing loved ones will continue to be with us wherever we go. Nobody can take away our memories. Love with all our hearts and forgive often.

  4. Lynda Kolly
    Lynda Kolly on September 30, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. As we move forward in our daily lives after the loss of a loved one, there is a fear that they will not be remembered. Even after many years.
    You did an excellent job in describing the feelings of love, loss and remembrance.
    Thanks again Tom.