Talk

 

I think that I would talk with you
I know that if you were here it would be better.
But would I talk with you?
All these things I wish I knew
That I wish you were here to teach me.

I don’t want to learn the harder way
Alone or from others who are less
You are my hero
You outlasted terrible things
You failed before you succeeded

You are my hero
I wanted to be like you when I was a little girl
I still am a little girl
You are my brother; my older brother
The big brother who is a protector

I know you can protect me better from there
But I would rather have less protection with you here
You weren’t supposed to go
It was too early

I should have come to grips with it
I should understand that it is wrong to wish you back
That I had gone not you
I know there is some greater reason that you left
That we were here and you were gone

So far and so long gone
And me here, who cannot cry or feel what I need
I have a heart of ice
What was broken when you left has not healed, it froze

No one sees, they are too far gone
The ones who could see are gone
The ones who can’t see are not responsible for their blindness
They do not know
They cannot know

I fancy myself an accomplished actress
I can hide myself, my true self
Which in hiding it becomes my untrue self
Why are you not here to find my true self

And make it shine
It was the wrong time
It was a good time
A time now spoiled forever
Now gone forever

I don’t know what to do
Angry, so very angry.

~ Laura Deyell, who lost her brother to a workplace fatality

 

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